these past few months have got me thinking: i believe my pants are shrinking they have gotten tighter, wee-er (certainly they are less free-er) and it’s gotten to the point they are hurting all my joints but not just that, the worst of all is they’re clamping on my balls cutting off the circulation to […]
Archive | March, 2007
Booger
The One Star Scourge
Lately I’ve been thinking: what if at the moment of death, the final vision they say we will all have, what if the last thing my collapsing brain remembers is a scene from a very bad movie? So, rather than memories of loved ones shaping themselves oasis-like as my body deconstructs itself, gasping like a […]
Four Things You Should Never Do, According To Jim Croce
Tug on Superman’s cape Spit into the wind Pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger Hit a tree following takeoff
Fantastic
A Whale Tale
I hope ye don’t find this question silly, But, ‘Ave you ever bin to sea Billy? Take it from me there’s no better life than a ship fer a friend and the sea fer a wife. Dressed in me slicker of fisherman yellow Me mates all remark There goes a fine fellow. I love to […]
The Stages of Daily Career Daydreams
9:05 – Denial Wokka wokka, world! The world’s greatest chucklefest is waiting to spring forth from my supple comedic writing loins in a messy orgasm of wacky hijinks and belly guffaws! Sure, I get distracted writing anything longer than a page, and still pretend that getting paid per word writing for the college newspaper counts […]
Ink Dry
It’s a Dog’s Life
God knows, ruling can be difficult enough Without the continuous shouting (“What news on the Rialto?!”) The flooded streets, The artists perpetually petitioning commissions (“My ceiling is done already, Tintoretto, And, yes, I like it white.”) Not to mention the possibility of being Stabbed in error by a moody Moor, Or dismembered by a wizened […]