I A lazy summer’s eve. My wife and I decide to break a mostly teetotalling habit and have a drink to keep the lurking humidity at bay. I decide to mix cold orange juice with vodka from a dusty, half-empty bottle that has languished in exile, hidden in a desolate cupboard, undisturbed, for longer than I […]
Archive | November, 2011
Your Brother and Me
There’s something you should know, something about me and your brother. It all started shortly after you and I broke up. I was walking across the floor to the sound of The First Cut is the Deepest, two rye and gingers clenched in my little fists, to a place where your brother was leaning against the […]
Bigger Man
She says about her groceries Sitting languid in the cart “Do you take these out or do I have to do it?” You have to do it, and guess what I say as I glance at her haul, When you get home You’ll have to crack the Brazil nuts too, And with those two brittle […]
Warm Up
The Story of Sensei John Kreese: Excerpt from the Upcoming Unauthorized History of Cobra Kai
John Kreese was born in Calcutta on June 13, 1947, to parents Flavio Kreese, a dishonourably discharged American Marine, and Hilda Tempstead, a French circus midget with no toes or nostrils. Flavio was discharged after he jumped off a landing craft during the Normandy invasion, swam ashore away from the fighting, then met and later […]
Grandma Fancied a Haircut
Grandma fancied a haircut not her haircut her granddaughter’s haircut Grandpa did not say a thing slow to react, that’s his thing Elder Lala was obedient no choice but be obedient Mama was in the hospital giving birth to Little Lala Papa was in the hospital shouting: “Push yer head yeh!” When Grandma, Grandpa, Elder […]
Gum in the Gums
Too many writers write stories with the main character being a writer. They write “what they know.” It drove Ernest nuts. That and the way they went on to mimic each other. They were Hemingways or Joycean or tedious streaming consciousnesses or Kerouacian or derivatively creepy nutso-whackos who wrote like psycho Ellis or Burroughs. Or […]
Pacemaker
The Way They Ought To Be
We all know how annoying little brothers and sisters can be. They constantly want ridiculous things like food and attention. They never leave you alone. And forget about trying to get one to keep a secret. They see you doing one little thing wrong, and they’re immediately telling Mom. But thanks to a simple procedure […]
