Now this is a long process and it won’t come easy, but if you will insist on eating grilled cheese sandwiches while you scramble through your essay at 2 a.m. then you’re going to have to face it. Mmm, grilled cheese sandwiches: Crispy-brown on top and that satisfyingly mushy, greasy filling… Ahem, so that’s exactly […]
Archive | November, 2011
One Wild Ride
So. Bob Dylan, Beethoven and the Pope are on a bus. A pink one. With red swirls. Oh, and there’s God, but he’s more omnipresent, obviously. Anyway, that’s not important. So Bob’s droning on about man against the world, words as power, the usual garbage, Beet’s got some bee in his ear-piece over the expressive […]
Traveling Around the World, or Trying To
Their marriage dissolved on a misunderstanding. He told her he would be taking her to Tie Land, but she thought it wasThailand. When they arrived at the store, she was further confused because all the employees were from Thailand, and the store was temporarily out of ties, only having in stock traditional products from Thailand. […]
The French Existentialist Takes a Bath
Toilets to Let
Yankee Freud
Pluto’s First Job Interview (Two Years) After Being Rejected as a Planet
The following job interview took place at the office of Jane Ford Jones, head fact-checker at a New York magazine. Jones is the interviewer. Jane F. Jones: Mr. Pluto, I presume. Pluto: Just call me Pluto, please. Jones: Sure enough. Could you tell me a little about yourself? Pluto: Well, I suppose I have to be honest with you. […]
The First Page of Carl’s Memoir
I have a really good memory, kinda like an elephant or the guy from momento, I can just remember things, like that sitcom Eric Idol from Monty python had where he and his wife were ghosts, cant remember who played her but Stewart Pumkin from that hbo show in the 80s was on it to, […]
Wedding Themes I Suggested to my Fiancé
My suggestions for wedding themes: – Types of cheese – Serial killers – Venereal diseases – Characters Arnold Schwarzenegger has played – Racial slurs Her decision: – Birds My suggestions for birds at each table: – Heckle and Jeckle – Woodsy Owl – Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show – Sonny the Cocoa Puffs […]
An Inquiry into the Legislation Surrounding the Use of Squirrel Monkeys in Street Photography
Mr. Snood: Would you, Mr. Secretary of State for the Environment, kindly explain what laws govern zoo operators engaging in street photography using squirrel monkeys as props? Mr. Roper: Under the Zoo and Sanctuary Act of 1961, zoo operators must have a licence validated by the Chancellor for Animal Affairs. Furthermore, any creature removed from a […]