As a self-proclaimed snack enthusiast I am deeply concerned about claims that Saddam Hussein not only likes Doritos but considers it his favourite treat. Knowing that a monster enjoys your delicious brand of cheese flavored corn chips makes me sick to my stomach.
Upon hearing about Hussein’s snacking tendencies, I researched the habits of several other contemporary despots and was dismayed to learn that Osama Bin Laden gorges on Twinkies and Kim Jong Il is addicted to Big League Chew.
I trust that Frito-Lay is doing everything within its power to look into these allegations ASAP otherwise I will be forced to boycott your products indefinitely. Please be aware that I have already informed Hostess and Wrigley of my intentions to stay away from their scrumptious foodstuffs as well.