The warmer months are just around the corner, and we here at JortsNet.com have had the pleasure of previewing the upcoming 2010 spring and summer jorts collections from exciting designers. After a week with the new products, we’ve selected our favorite jorts.
Editor: JortySpice
Best dance club jorts: Versace’s black mini-jorts
These extra-short, high-hemmed jorts aren’t only perfect for showing off leg on the dance floor, they’re also ideal for a sunny day of window shopping on Fifth Avenue. Their perfect hems give a sleek, clean look — compared to last year’s grunged-out cut-offs look — to attract Mr. Right. You’ll entrance him whether he’s confidently strutting from Saks with a bag of designer fedoras or emerging from a penthouse rooftop pool, water beading and falling from his expertly waxed black handlebar moustache. Once he spots your chic attire, don’t be surprised if he (and his friends) worship you as a jorted penthouse diva. You’ll command a small army of beguiled Adonises, clad only in the pungent scent of desire and the jorts of your choosing.
Perfect complement:
Ruby-red Marc Jacobs pumps
Editor: JackJortson
Best beach jorts: Salvatore Ferragamo’s board jorts
There’s general beach loungewear, and then there’s Salvatore Ferragamo’s laid-back, no-worries-mate, relaxed-fit board jorts. The long-cut artisan denim feels like a dream, whether you’re carving a sick wave goofy-foot or lazing away an afternoon as sexy bikini-jorts-clad women fan you in a swaying hammock while the island’s sultry breath causes you to doze. You drift into a dream where you’re stranded upon another sun-drenched umber Pacific island beach. A fearsome native tribe of leather-jorted Amazonian women holds you captive, forcing you at spear-point to replicate your Ferragamo jorts for their savage, yet beautiful, tribal leader. You live out your remaining days in pleasure as the leader’s cabana boy, tailoring and mending jorts all day and deep into the night.
Perfect complement:
Any Ben Sherman short-sleeve pearl-snap
Editor: JortioArmani
Best workplace jorts: Armani’s black executive mod jorts
Reminiscent of the hyper-stylish sixties mod trend, these jorts are the only option for those seeking a promotion to that sunny corner office. Be prepared when, instead of being questioned about your well-crafted quarterly profits presentation, you’re eyed by the secretary and asked about your daringly vogue Armani jean shorts. So daring are they that your boss will feel instantly threatened and seek to terminate you, fearing usurpation. His lovely young secretary will accidentally read his email — accusing you of corporate treason — and she’ll alert the CEO. The rest of the office will hear of your boss’s treachery through well-established inter-office gossip channels. Overnight you’ll become a hero. The following day everyone will be sporting Armani mod jorts as a symbol of solidarity. A movement will transform into a crusade, and your co-workers will hoist you high on their shoulders and march to the CEO’s palatial sun-filled office. Once deposited in front of the scowling Mr. Dart, you’ll watch as his features soften into a beaming smile. Seeing the solidarity you’ve brought to the office, he’ll stand to shake your hand. As he’s telling you about your promotion to VP, you’ll notice, with a smile, his Armani black executive mod jorts.
Perfect complement:
Any Brooks Brothers black two- or three-button jacket
There you have it, this year’s best spring and summer designer jorts. Don’t be caught in last year’s faded fashions. Instead, take our advice: invest in some stylish jorts.
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