What Do Cows Think About All Day?

It was a rainy fall morning and Bessie the cow was frustrated. She had been awakened at 4:00 a.m. to feel the icy-cold hands of a stranger on her teats. It would be nice to sleep in just once, she thought.

She felt unappreciated. She was not happy with her place in the animal hierarchy. Cows have a difficult life. Just yesterday several friends were eyeballed by Frank the butcher. This weekend might result in more cow tipping at the hands of binge-drinking teenagers.

Frank the bull and his rushed dry sex could happen at any time. Boy, that was romantic. She heard the giggles at the county fair. Cows in a herd always face the same way. Cows are responsible for the deterioration of the ozone layer. Cows cause global warming because of methane.

Her cousin Elsie in India led a different life. Cows were allowed to roam free and given the royal treatment they deserve. Ronald McDonald didn’t exist in India. No one grabbed your teats.

Bessie decided to escape and make her way to India. She pressed against the electric fence and jumped back from the shock. Lacking options, she did what most of us would do: she made a symbolic protest. She looked towards the farmhouse and gave a big MOO. Then she let fly enough methane to seriously damage the ozone layer.

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