On the twelfth day of Christmas, my overly sensitive true love gave to me:
* Twelve drummers drumming ethnically diverse beats symbolizing all indigenous peoples
* Eleven pipers piping in the neo-folkloric nueva canción style
* Ten lords-a-leaping after renouncing their peerage to become commoners
* Nine ladies dancing in a tasteful manner while attired in traditional, non-sexually-provocative dress
* Eight maids-a-milking soybeans instead of methane-producing bovines
* Seven swans-a-swimming in the modest bathing apparel favoured by conservative cultures
* Six geese-a-laying eggs that will be allowed to hatch instead of being consumed by humans
* Five gold rings from ethical mining companies that engage in responsible environmental practices
* Four colly birds that henceforth would prefer to be known by the less pejorative name blackbirds
* Three French hens that wish to renounce their citizenship for a country with less snobbish attitudes
* Two turtle doves that are a genetically modified (but sustainable) hybrid of an actual turtle and an actual dove
* And a locally raised partridge in an organic pear tree
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