No Third Date

Because you are younger than me

you have fungus growing on your back

 

Because you are older than me

you live in Texas and vote Republican

 

Because you imitated me driving

you told me I look like a million bucks

you thought I’d be a “helpmate”

you kissed me without asking

 

Because you will not tell me what’s wrong

you are keen and leering at the same time

I forget to hold your hand

you are too kind and gangly, just like my brother

 

Because I had a dream we married

had two dark-haired children and

then you left us with no explanation

 

Because you make me feel like I have fallen into the pigpen like Jim did, right up to his neck and Aunt Betty-Rose had to hose him off outside the house and even after a bath, he still stunk

 

Because my girlfriend shook her head “no” behind your back

 

 

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