Proverbs don’t always make sense

The Chinese say when a tree falls the monkeys scatter
And one mouse dropping ruins the whole pot of rice porridge
They also say three people can make up a tiger
Proverbs don’t always make sense
Neither do my tax returns
Delinquency is a term best used to describe misbegotten miscreants
Not poor sods who struggle with long division or who forget to pay their heating bill
Yet here I am, a debtor and a delinquent with a fear of the mailman
Oliver Twist was a thieving bastard who inherited a fortune but still wanted more
Tiny Tim was a kind young soul who didn’t get enough vitamin D
Dickens enjoyed making children suffer
So did the son of a bitch who created algebra
“If an elephant falls 50 metres and lands on a grazing donkey with 48 seconds to live, what percentage of students asked to calculate the force of the collision will instead use a pencil to stab their eyeball?”
Answer: 14
Confucius never said: “Little people who kneel before you should not be seen as speed bumps in life, but as stepping stones”
But maybe he should have
They say cricket is a lot like baseball
Frog legs are a lot like chicken
And Australia is a lot like prison
Yet people always question me when I say tinfoil can be a lot like latex
Burning rubber has a whole other meaning when your pants are on fire
It’s a little-known fact that firefighters don’t wear flame-retardant underwear
But I do
They say monogamy is one of the things that differentiate humans from monkeys
But what I really want to know is what happened to our tails
Hemingway once wrote “the earth moved”
Sex isn’t fun with cardboard cut-outs
But it can be with a mannequin
Some people drink to sleep
Others to stay awake
I drink for England

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