The Jolly Green Giant had big green nipples

Dr. Seuss was my favorite poet
But I wouldn’t trust him to cure my colitis
You won’t find a cat in a hat or a pig in a wig
Down by the bay where the watermelons grow
What you will find are two headed fish and enough mercury to tell if you’re sick
Mercury was god of the corn trade
That means Wednesday is corn day in French
Which makes Thursday kernel passing day
But that doesn’t explain what getting fat on Tuesday
has to do with shaking your breasts for a necklace
The Jolly Green Giant had big green nipples
You’d have problems too if you lived off canned peas and creamed corn
Cream of wheat tastes a lot like saw dust
The Lucky Charms leprechaun threatens children who get close to his marshmallows
But that doesn’t mean all hobbit sized Irishmen are miserable misers
Ebenezer Scrooge was a lonely old buzzard
So was Marlon Brando
Zeppelin rides are a blast
The peak of the Empire State building was designed to be a phallic symbol
King Kong is not a member of Hong Kong royalty
Curious George wasn’t blue
Monkeys tend not to banter