she slips on the deserted sidewalk outside her apartment door on five Bloody Caesars, two glasses of champagne and a double shot of Jägermeister regurgitated and frozen in a slick mess Jackson Pollock would have been proud of
Archive | December, 2010
Lying with her head on the giant rock was not as comfortable as she hoped
Rejected Animals of the Chinese Zodiac
When ancient scholars decided on the twelve animals of the Chinese zodiac, they were forced to reject scores of other creatures. With 2011 being the Year of the Rabbit — people born in rabbit years are considered kind and self-assured but can be superficial and stubborn — Feathertale pays tribute to a dozen of the […]
My Cork
Rupert Finds Christmas
Nat King Cole was roasting his chestnuts on an open fire, and it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas in the Rathbottom apartment. Rupert decided he’d been very fortunate, with much to be grateful for this year, so he was really going “to do” Christmas. “One more brandy,” he said to himself, “and I may even do Santa! Ho ho […]
A Christmas Card from the Deirdres
Well, another year’s over and a new one’s about to begin, and things are just tickety-boo at the Deirdre household. This year has been an eventful one for our family. Doug is well. He had a vasectomy in early January after a New Year’s scare. (Imagine us, pregnant and nearly fifty. The poor thing would […]
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus Underneath the mistletoe last night She didn’t see me creep Down the stairs to have a peep She thought I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white Oh, from behind Daddy snuck in What trouble […]
Cafiend
Unsuccessful Christmas Songs and DVD’s
A Wiccan Country Christmas: Volumes I & II Have Yourself a Merry Little Methamphetamine The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Jay-Z in Back to the Basics: A Christmas Rap Songs from the Heartland: Moldovan Gift Chants Give a Lump: Featured Christmas Advertising Ditty Brought to You by the Coal Industry The Atheist Castrati Singers Present December […]
Buzz Kill Mr. Wally
Mr. Wally’s job was difficult, if not completely pointless. His first presentation destination was a grade school classroom he hadn’t chosen, decorated zestfully for the Christmas season. The oddly shaped paper cut-outs cluttering the walls were depressing. The various holiday decorations plastered in the leftover spaces jutted at Mr. Wally’s innocence. A predominant sense of […]