It’s a Dog’s Life

God knows, ruling can be difficult enough
Without the continuous shouting
(“What news on the Rialto?!”)
The flooded streets,
The artists perpetually petitioning commissions
(“My ceiling is done already, Tintoretto,
And, yes, I like it white.”)
Not to mention the possibility of being
Stabbed in error by a moody Moor,
Or dismembered by a wizened moneylender
Who wants a pound of intestine
For a debt you’ve long forgotten.
Yes, the palace is nice, but cardinals
Are not always the greatest
Conversationalists and the hats are just ridiculous.
Thank the Lord it will be centuries
Before Gilbert and Sullivan write
The Gondoliers.