They say you are what you eat. But I like to think I’m more than just a bratwurst sausage and a bottle of Imodium.
Archive | April, 2012
A Warning from the Man on High
American Orphan: A Season Recap of Hollywood’s Latest Reality Show Success
America’s top-rated show, American Orphan — “the show where you decide who gets parents, a home and a future” — has wrapped its first season, with outcomes that no one expected.
Beware the Gladiators of Rome
Tourists in Rome will learn that dudes in period costume may be free-lancing but their lancing isn’t free.
In memory of 4012, Navel, USA
From the skin of an orange to the stomach of a dog: The incredible journey of a supermarket sticker.
patent pending
Pull out “this fat little poem with acne and crooked teeth” when “the men and women have broken into herds / a cocktail party taboo, an unmitigated disaster / as the men shot gun cans of beer in the garage / laughing, roughhousing, a raw, greasy, bond between them / with no girls allowed pinned […]
Little-Known Facts about Fictional Doctors
Dr. Doogie Howser is addicted to Adderall, Xanax, and OxyContin. Dr. Octopus’s favorite donut is Bavarian Kreme. Dr. House has a fetish for outie bellybuttons. And so on and so forth . . .
Vacuum
For a serious mess on the carpet, I said, the clerk answered We don’t rent those anymore, my car outside illegally parked, towed and on the bus schoolgirls discussed blowjob techniques and smoking, at home I watched my dog attack a neighbour’s three-legged cat, carpet covered in fur and across the street an […]
A Select Bibliography of William Shakespeare’s Plays in a Series of Haiku
Excerpt: 1593 (estimated) The Taming of the Shrew. (Theatre unknown) Kate’s really moody, Maybe PMS? Meets match, becomes housewife-type.
