’Twas the night before Christmas, and Wally the elf was working overtime again, for the eighty-sixth goddam year. His fingers were aching from all the wrapping of presents and tying of bows. All around him, thousands of his co-workers went about their business with ghastly cheerfulness, humming and singing Yuletide melodies that Wally had grown […]
Archive | December, 2011
Pamela August Russell
Co-creator of the Better Off Dead Poets Society and author of B Is for Bad Poetry
Unwrap Your Gift from Santa
Aviophobia
Feeling Lucky?
Salmon Patrol
Mahmoud Abbas
The political inconvenience of boners is undeniable. Forgive me for, in the age of Viagra and the great ED scare, complaining about my erectile ability, but it’s not always as desirable as Pfizer would have you believe. Let’s say you’re in your PJs together, spooning on the couch watching a movie; or even naked taking […]
new year’s eve
sometimes you just need a good kick in the balls, know what I mean? just to shake things up, and sure, it hurts, but the hurt will pass and it makes for a great story, and if it ends up needing surgery that’s a few days of free room and board on the government tab, […]
hey ted’s head. you look cold. can i get you a toque?
i was recently thinking that if i ever wrote an ode to ted williams (you know, to win a bet or something), someday hundreds of years in the future when the tree that grows from the nutrients in my ashes has toppled and sprouted the buds of a whole new forest, they could thaw ted’s […]
Haiku 1-4
1 I can’t help but hate haikus, they end abruptly just as they’re getting 2 good. See? I needed another just to finish this simple thought, and 3 maybe it’s true that all the love in the world could fit in a matchbox 4 but who would want to try, and where, in that case, […]