The door squeaked open and the doctor came in. That myopic idiot couldn’t diagnose his way out of a paper bag. But he looked sombre. Maybe he’s actually found something this time? He’s not wearing his usual stupid toothy grin. “I’m afraid I have some bad news.” Yippee! The jackpot! Finally, validation. No more, “Oh, […]
Archive | January, 2011
Some Advice on Time Travel (Excerpted from Philip Roder’s ‘Let’s Go to the Future’ – Fourth Edition, 2095)
The future finds you charming Like a pet Don’t . . . go there They think they time-travel better than you They think they know more than you You’re just some sort of time hick a space bumpkin to them the Futurians talk to you loudly like you’re kind of deaf or dumb or behind […]
High-Five Debris
At the Halloween party, there’s a sexy Spock, sexy Smurfs and even sexy ayatollahs. There’s black-light body paint, but conspicuous blood turns out to be lipstick more often than not. The dark, already harbouring an army of crow’s feet, tugs its miniskirt over the lime Pilsner fist-pumps and Polo for men. Curious high-schoolers slip on […]
Da Vinci Surfs Da Web
The Brady Bunch Meets Futurama
Jesus Christ: Merchandising Genius
INT. God’s office, 5 BC: God sits at a large oak desk in his brightly lit office. Behind him is a lovely panoramic view of downtown heaven, seventh level. Or maybe it’s the fourth or fifth. Who the hell cares? It’s a nice view — it’s fucking heaven. God speaks on the phone. God: Look, […]