At conception another diet failed. I gained forty eight pounds and waddled like a duck. The doctor warned me, mind your calories. I went home and ate twice as much. Delivery was nothing compared to the bulge, mother of all battles. When the doctor amputated my belly, he forgot to take my thighs.
Archive | February, 2007
Explaining Abortion to Children
Seven Easy Steps To A Better Business
From: snjezana.adamovic@tiscali.ca To: Full Mail List Subject: Seven Easy Steps To A Better Business Dear Friend: My name is Dr. Snazzy Caulfield. I am much pleased to make your acquaintance, since having recently received your email, I realized that we are in the same business. You will understand why I cannot name exactly our business. […]
Urban Poetics
in a busy simile-like street with masks of synecdoche and metonymy so many metaphors are dancing wildly that no oxymoron can elbow his way through crowds of symbols and hyperboles to his long lost friend paradox trying to converse with a shy-looking allusion after standing too long on tiptoes between consonance and assonance i become […]
The Chronology of a Valentines Day as Chronicled by Adolf
Underneath 77 Wilhelmstrasse, February 14th, 1945 As Russian guns pound Berlin into rubble, Adolf is hoping for a pounding of his own. But Valentine’s Day in the Fuhrerbunker is proving trickier than he imagined… 8:00 am – Woken up by Goebbels clattering a breakfast tray around and singing ‘Love can build a bridge.’ Scheisse! Just […]
Curiosity
they say that curiosity killed the cat but this one i think was killed by the front left tire of a Honda Civic and by the way she was cleaning her paws with such intense precision as the car slid around the corner i’d have to say that curiosity had been the only thing keeping […]
Pulcinella
To Be A Cooked Piece Of Rice
Oh! To be a cooked piece of rice! Resting warmly, flattened against the oily surface of the pan absorbing heat, expanding, letting out traces of water so stealthily hidden: the unsuspecting rice! Dull white, like a human’s tooth rounded at the ends feel the softness of cooked rice, but do not push too hard or […]
From Miss February
Dear Hugh the Hefner man, I like you a lot, especially the way you do not ask me to brush my teeth before going to bed. I remember how you quoted poetry, even without your dentures on. You said: Girls are like petals. They must be plucked. Willie Shakey, that’s the poet’s name, you said. […]
