What a Roth IRA is.
How my parents got together and continue to stay together.
Why I thought I was fit to be someone’s father.
How I literally talked nearly seven female humans into letting me touch all over their bodies.
Why when I was sixteen and the Spin Doctors’ “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” came on the car radio, I turned to my buddy and said, “Have you heard this? Best song ever.”
How to build things or what most of the things in the toolbox do.
Why people like caviar when I wouldn’t eat it if it cost fifty cents.
How there can be a water shortage when we know the recipe (two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen).
How to find that place on a woman that they are supposed to derive pleasure from.
Shaving in a way that doesn’t make me look like the Bloody Face Monster after.
Why homeless people stay in cold places.
When it is and when it is not appropriate to curse.
How a job works.
What interest rates are and why anyone cares about them.
Why non-Italian people insist on saying “ciao” when saying goodbye.
What goes with what.
The difference between the Senate and the Congress and what the people do when they are elected to both.
How to act all “adulty” all the time.
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