Battle Royal
If team mascots ever came to life, I bet you’d think the Red Sox wouldn’t be much competition. But what if they filled themselves full of rocks and swung around real fast? They could probably do some serious damage. Until they ran into the White Sox. And then I guess it would depend on who got to the rocks first.
Awkward Confrontations
If you ever walk into the bathroom and see your dog dancing in front of the mirror, you should probably try to play it down so he won’t feel too embarrassed. But then again, if a dog can dance in front of a mirror, he could probably also help around the house a bit more. So maybe you should confront him about it after all.
It’s All Relative
I think to most people, killing a bear with a spear would be a pretty impressive thing to do. But I bet back in the time when they had dragons and things like that, if you came back and told people you killed a bear, they would say in a real sarcastic voice, “Ohhhh, Rodney killed a bear!”
Super Powers
If all the members of Congress could have one collective wish and that wish could be anything they want, I’ll bet they would have a hard time agreeing on what to wish for. But I’ll tell you one thing they wouldn’t wish for, and that’s the ability to give themselves a raise whenever they want.
Resourcefulness
I notice that prostitution is illegal, but acting in an adult film is not. That’s why I always like to have a camera handy when I go down to 42nd Street. And if a policeman walks up to the car and taps on the window while the sinfulness is going on, I always yell “Cut!” and give him a real dirty look.
Legalities
They say it’s against the law to say you’re going to kill the president. But I wonder if it’s legal to say you’re going to go back in time and kill his mother before she gives birth to him, like in The Terminator.
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