Thank You Note

Dear Doctor,

I can’t begin to thank you enough for leaving
Some shred of my dignity intact.
For poking, prodding and kneading me,
For sucking blood from my veins
And cash from my wallet.
For fondling the family jewels.
I especially remember the greased glove
Anal treasure hunt (I never knew you had such big hands).
At least you have pronounced me
Fit enough to live another year
I can’t begin to thank you enough for leaving
Some shred of my dignity intact.
Now if I could just remember where I put it.

Kindest regards,
Patient