– Yeah, it’s Dave, is Mom there?
– No, don’t put Dad on.
– You fucking asshole.
– Hey Dad, is Mom around?
– Yeah school’s going well. I’m at the library like ten hours a day.
– Hey Mom. Listen, I need some cash. Can you put, like, three grand in my account. What?
– Oh, happy anniversary. Listen, I need about three grand.
– Fine, congratulations on being married for twenty-two years. Now can I have the money?
– Three grand.
– No, THREE GRAND.
– Oh, and it’s Marla’s birthday next week, can you pick her up something nice for me.
– I don’t know, like some perfume or something. Maybe a nice scarf.
– ‘Cause I’m busy, I’m at the library like twelve hours a day.
– Can you put the money in my account today, I need it soon.
– For books and stuff.
– Then do it first thing tomorrow morning.
– Listen, what are you doing tomorrow? …That was rhetorical. First you’re going to the bank and putting money in my account. Then you’re going to get a present for Marla.
– Alright fine. First, happy goddamn anniversary. Second, go to the bank and put three grand in my account. Third, get a present for Marla. Something nice, nothing cheap.
– What’s so difficult to understand about this?
– I told you books and stuff.
– I’ve been eating Kraft Dinner for like a week. I’ve been drinking tap water for Christ’s sake.
– No, three grand tomorrow morning. I’ll check at noon, it better be there. And don’t forget the present.
– Okay. Bye.
– Happy Anniversary. Bye.
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