The following job interview took place at the office of Jane Ford Jones, head fact-checker at a New York magazine. Jones is the interviewer.
Jane F. Jones: Mr. Pluto, I presume.
Pluto: Just call me Pluto, please.
Jones: Sure enough. Could you tell me a little about yourself?
Pluto: Well, I suppose I have to be honest with you. I guess you’ve already heard about how everyone used to think I was a planet. But what you might not know is that I knew I wasn’t a planet from the very beginning. I even tried to prove it for years, but nobody in the scientific community paid attention to the letters I wrote every week. It was so frustrating. They were too busy convincing the masses that I wasn’t just some snowball caught in the orbit of the sun. It’s just … please … I’m smaller than seven of the solar system’s moons! Can you believe it? A planet? Me?
Jones: Hmmm, I see. Yep. Way smaller. So, why did you leave your previous employer?
Pluto: To be more precise, if I may, I was academically dismissed on August 28th, 2006 – although I prefer to use the word discarded, it seems much more appropriate. The term itself was Mars’s idea. He’s been very supportive since 1930, when I first became a planet. He even sent his own letters to the scientific community explaining their errors in my regard. He’s a very a good friend – not at all inhospitable, contrary to what others might have told you.
Jones: We don’t usually accept unsolicited résumés. We’ve made an exception for you. Why do you want to join this Magazine’s staff as a fact-checker?
Pluto: Fact-checking has been my hobby for centuries. I helped many writers before I became a planet.
Jones: For instance?
Pluto: Well, I worked closely with Machiavelli. Nice guy, had his facts pretty straight. Bad grammarian though.
Jones: Interesting. Are you applying for any other jobs?
Pluto: No, only here. It is true, however, as it has been published in several blogs, that I received a job offer last December from Al Gore’s office. He wanted me to support him in all this climate change stuff. But I turned it down. Not that I don’t agree with him. It just makes me uncomfortable to speak in public.
Jones: Your résumé is quite impressive. Why do you want this job?
Pluto: After 76 years as a planet I was left with no indemnity, no compensation, and no nothing. Kids don’t even memorize my name anymore, so I have to keep busy, otherwise my mind wanders and I get sad.
Jones: Okay, I see. Now, uh, what are your greatest strengths?
Pluto: My mass: 1.27e22 kg. There’s no doubt about that.
Jones: And what are your weaknesses?
Pluto: Maybe a little vanity. I always loved being in the centerfold of the National Geographic. It’s so cool to be on the coucheL paper. But I’m not very conceited … just a little.
Jones: All right. Where do you hope to be in five years?
Pluto: About 5,913,520,000 km from the sun.
Jones: How do you normally handle criticism?
Pluto: Quite well. The scientific community called me a “dwarf planet” for more than 70 years and I thought it was a very human remark, cute, if I may use that word.
Jones: What forces – positive and negative – do you think were most instrumental in shaping your style and your values?
Pluto: Hmm, if I had to choose I’d probably say the forces of nature. My rotational axis is tipped 122 degrees.
Jones: Describe briefly your personality.
Pluto: I’m quite cosmic, really. Although I’ve been called volatile in the past.
Jones: You have two drums. One is three gallons and the other is five. You have an unlimited supply of water but need to get exactly four gallons. How could you do it?
Pluto: By moving the water from one to another.
Jones: I see … What type of salary do you have in mind?
Pluto: Something adapted to my skills. I’m not really after the money. As I said, I just want to be busy.
Jones: Ok. That’s pretty much it. We’ll call you in about a week with an answer.
Pluto: Great. I look forward to hearing back from you.
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