If you have a wife but cannot keep her
Elementary education says you’re to put her in a pie and eat her
Impressionable children should not be left alone in the kitchen
Aunt Jemima gave syrup to America
But it wasn’t enough to win her freedom
Uncle Ben doesn’t stick to the pan
Most people don’t
Captain High Liner didn’t abuse fish
But he did batter them
Sticks and stones may break your bones
But a fishbone, if swallowed, can kill you
Trout should be served with a warning
Creamed corn is always in season
The Jolly Green Giant has his secrets
But you won’t find them hidden in the utter of a corn-fed Holstein
Leaf-based underwear tend to ride up
So do velvet pants
Coca-Cola made Santa Claus red
But pyjama-clad children made him fat
Milk and cookies are bad for your chimney
Bean burritos are hard on your exhaust
American-born Chihuahua’s don’t take siestas
But they do sell fast food
Frumpy Victorians with weathered lips, decaying incisors and a brashly exuded hatred for
the rights of workers served slop-like gruel in tin-based bowls to orphaned, yet industrious, children
Charles Dickens was paid by the word
It’s probably best that irreverent monkeys are not
