1) Whether our waiter has washed his hands or not.
2) Whether I care.
3) Whether this would matter more or less if my waiter were a waitress.
4) If wondering that makes me a bad person somehow.
5) Whether my wife across the table can somehow see this list happening in my head.
6) Whether she’s making her own list right now as our waiter is walking away again.
7) If she’s got any aprons at home we could use later.
8) Whether it’s asking her that might make me a bad person or if it’s not telling her why I’m asking that would make me a bad person.
9) If I’ll even care much.
10) If she won’t be in the restaurant kitchen herself, I mean, in her head.
11) Whether that would make it better, worse, or just fair.
12) If we should both just keep our eyes closed, maybe, wait for our food, and know that if the waiter hasn’t washed his hands, we’d rather not know.