The Jim Henson Company responds to a Sexual Harassment Complaint

Date: February 14, 2008
From: human.resources@jhc.com.org
To: miss.piggy@jhc.com.org
Subject: No Tolerance of Sexual Harassment

Dear Miss Piggy,

It has come to our attention that one of your colleagues, who shall remain anonymous, has recently filed a complaint against you. It details certain behaviours that, if accurately described, would be of great concern to the company.

The Jim Henson Company is a family enterprise, and as such, we take sexual harassment very seriously. Under no circumstances will we tolerate any action that compromises the dignity and respect of any giant anthropomorphic puppet on staff.

Please keep in mind that your lack of a functional lower half in no way absolve you the company’s policy on sexual harassment.

And so, in keeping with company policy, we ask that you refrain from any potentially harassing behaviours, including (but not limited to) the following:

• Unwelcome sexual advances, flirtations or propositions on a colleague, or on any replica – puppet, robot or otherwise – of a colleague, particularly on live television;

• Any reference to trans-species mating or the mutant offspring (ie, “figs” or “pogs”) created by such mating;

• Plotting elaborate fake weddings or other events to con a colleague into marriage (please note that the level of disciplinary action will increase with each repeat infraction); or

• Pretending to be married or engaged to a colleague, and refusing to acknowledge their rejection, even when repeated over several decades;

• Explosive bursts of violence (ie, “karate chops”) when jilted, sometimes leading to traction or other serious injuries.

For more information, please review the company’s pamphlet on sexual harassment, “Hands Off (And Out): Muppets and Sexual Harassment”.

Sincerely,

Management

***

Date: February 14, 2008
From: human.resources@jhc.com.org
To: kermit@jhc.com.org
Subject: Sexual Harassment Complaint

Dear Kermit,

Stop coming to work naked.

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