MEXICO CITY — Human-owl relations suffered a damaging blow yesterday during the league game between Deportivo La Plata and CD Pacifica at the Metropolitan Stadium when Deportivo defender Luis Moreno kicked Horatio Owl, who is employed as Pacifica’s mascot, after Mr. Owl accidentally landed on the playing field.
The violent incident occurred during the seventieth minute of the game after Mr. Owl became disoriented while flying over a section of his team’s fans. He fell to the playing surface and before he could take off again he was struck in the head with the ball. The referee immediately stopped play so that Mr. Owl could receive medical attention. While Mr. Owl was spread-eagled on the grass, Moreno approached him and kicked the helpless owl over the touchline. Pacifica’s fans screamed their outrage and a few opposing players confronted Moreno but referee Antonio Villa must not have seen the hate crime as he allowed Moreno to stay in the game. The match continued and because God was watching, Pacifica triumphed 2-1.
Mr. Owl was airlifted to Hospital Angeles where he received medical treatment for a fractured leg, a strained neck muscle, a chipped beak and a concussion. His brave wife, Misty, addressed reporters late last night, saying: “Horatio said he became disoriented because of some medication he had taken earlier in the day. His vision was blurry and he didn’t know where he landed and then the ball hit him. Then out of nowhere (the thug) Moreno appeared and kicked him. I’ve seen and heard some hurtful things at football games but to kick a bird while he is down is really insensitive.”
At the post-match press conference Moreno, the imposing Peruvian defender who was nicknamed “the Enforcer” at an early age by his mother, tried to explain his actions: “I thought he was faking an injury to delay the game because his team was winning. And I didn’t kick him that hard anyway. It was more of a light brush. I guess I was just a little bit too eager for the game to continue.”
While Moreno was escorted out of the stadium by police to protect him from justifiably angry Pacifica fans, his agent Martin Hernandez added: “The owl had no business being on the playing field and prevented a goal-scoring opportunity when he blocked that pass with his head. My client asked him kindly to get off of the field, at which point Mr. Owl — I’m not going to repeat his actual words — implied that my client is fond of sodomizing chickens. This is what provoked my client into kicking him as my client’s father was attacked and killed three years ago by a pack of wild chickens. That’s why he lost his cool. I mean, come on, wouldn’t you?”
Mr. Owl’s attorney, Michel De Leon, later denied to reporters that his client had insulted Moreno. “That’s nonsense. Mr. Owl is a friend of many chickens and would never say something so insensitive. This was just another unnecessary attack on an innocent bird and if this is how humans are going to behave, it’s no wonder so few birds choose to live among them.”
Misty Owl agrees. “I think it’s amazing that an act of violence like this could happen in our society today. Somebody needs to speak up about human-on-owl violence before we’re driven apart forever. It needs to stop.”
According to a recent poll, a staggering ninety-five per cent of owls feel it is unsafe to live among humans. Of the few who do live among humans, seventy-five per cent admit that they face some discrimination on a regular basis. However, some human inhabitants of Mexico City incorrectly believe the owls bring it upon themselves, such as Nina Martinez, who said: “The owls, they should learn to speak our language. I feel insulted when I have to walk around listening to them hooting and whooing around me in my city. It’s obscene. What are they saying? What are they hiding?”
Nina’s frenemy Maria Bravo added: “If I go out to the woods they expect me to speak their language, so why can’t they speak our language when they’re in our city? And what’s with all the flying? They have legs; let them use the stairs like us once in a while.”
Jay Bubo-Palacios, an eagle-owl that lives in Cuauhtémoc, disagrees with their statements: “Most humans think we don’t know their language but how many of them try to engage us in conversation?” Bubo-Palacios, who works as a waiter at a trendy downtown restaurant, says he routinely faces discrimination from his supervisors. “They’re always shouting at me for flying in through the window but it only takes me three minutes to get to work by air. Why should I be forced to take the stairs and a bus?” According to Jay, some of the restaurant’s patrons also say insensitive things: “Once, this old man called me bird-brained, and I was like, ‘Woah did we just go back to the eighties when that was cool?’ And I reminded him that only birds can call each other that now; that’s our word. But in his defence I did forget to bring him water three times. But maybe it’s a generational thing. The younger humans seem a bit more tolerant and are better tippers.”
Ruben Cabrera, a grey owl who works as a security guard in Azcapotzalco, had this to say: “Overcoming stereotypes is difficult. For instance, my boss always tries to schedule me for the night shift. I don’t like to work at night; I’m a day owl. I like to be in bed before it gets dark.”
Reverend Bruno Romano, head of the Human and Owl Organization for Tolerance (HOOT) is urging people to use this incident as a learning tool. He released a statement saying: “Although this incident has reminded us of darker times from our past, we need to come together and understand where we have gone wrong. Owls are just asking for the same rights and opportunities that we humans afford ourselves. I hope it is not long before we have more birds not just serving as mascots but employed as players on teams in our great football league.”
Hector Barrera, President of the Mexican Football Federation, was recently asked why there are currently no birds playing professional football in Mexico. “They’re not good enough. They’re all so small and wiry,” was his bigoted response. “There’s a few of them who have good speed and they might make good wingers, but even they can’t do much with the ball.”
“That’s nonsense,” Romano said of Barrera’s claim. “Owl’s have great vision and would make great playmakers. Name me one human who can spot a mouse running across a darkened field or turn his neck 360 degrees.”
One owl that can’t currently turn his neck 360 degrees is Horatio Owl, who has been told by doctors he must wear a neck brace for the next three weeks. He must also remain in hospital during the early stages of his recovery, but out of this dark situation comes some hope that human-owl relations will improve. A number of Horatio Owl’s human co-workers have already come to visit him, including the Pacifica players who were kind enough to bring him some mice to eat. Meanwhile, Horatio Owl says he has forgiven Moreno for the attack. “Maybe one day he and I can sit down and talk about this,” he said. He hopes to be fit enough to return to work soon.
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