A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Runner-up in the Twittering Bard Contest

We recently asked writers and poets of every ilk to help us prove to the world that a rose by any other name is still a rose, even if it is misspelled and grammatically incorrect. A number of writers penned into us, rewriting and bastardizing a Shakespearean play as if it were originally conceived on a Twitter feed. Runner-up status goes to Vancouver’s Jackie Bateman for her tweetment of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.



Lysander @Hermia: I fancy your rocks off. xoxo

Hermia @Lysander: And I you. Let us copul8 forthwith.

Helena @Demetrius: I want your lv truncheon anon, you sxy beast.

Demetrius @Helena: I am currently out of the office.

Demetrius @Hermia: Let me present my lv truncheon forthwith. Lysander is as gay as a lord.

Egeus @Hermia: This is yr father. Stop tweeting Lysander. You will wed Demetrius or I’ll banish you to the nunnery.

Thesius @Hernia: This is the Duke. You will marry Demetrius or this be you, btch. http://bit.ly/cjwnHp

Hermia @Lysander: Shit, meet me in forest, they’re all trying to marry me off to D. Let’s elope and swap spit asunder.



Oberon @Puck: Bring magic lv drops anon to sprinkle on Queeny’s eyelids. I want her to lv her adopted son (ugly b’strd)

Puck @Oberon: Yes yr H’ness. When Tit. awakes she’ll lv the first person she sees: yr beloved heir.

Oberon @Puck: Psss, put some lv drops on Demetrius too. I want him to fancy Helena back. It’d make the poor lass’s day, silly btch.

Puck @Oberon: Oops. Lv drops on Lysander by accdt. Now HE wants Helena on her back, the lucky slag.



Bottom @Puck: What the f is going on? Who’s all the homies in the forest?

Puck @Bottom: F knows, but I’m turning your head into a donkey for the crack.

Bottom @Puck: Thanks a f’ing lot, b’stard. I’ve a play to perform in.

Puck @Bottom: You’re called Bottom, ha ha ha!

Bottom @Puck: Methinks it backfired on you. Queeny saw ME first when she awoke and now thinks I’m Lord of the Dongs.

Queen Titania @Bottom: I lv u. We’re on like donkey kong.



Puck @Everyone: ’Twas all a dream, suckers. You actually think lv drops exist? Just boff whoever you like. Gd night.

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