When interviewed on his deathbed
and asked how he had managed
to be re-elected senator nine times,
the ninety-six-year-old patriarch of politics
Because in every campaign
I promised to build a memorial
to the victims
of each mass shooting in our state.
I kept my word,
and drawing upon the quality stone
of four in-state quarries,
and the unparalleled craftsmanship of local masons,
our memorials are equal to any in the country.
Should you care to visit these sacred sites,
a senatorial aide will provide you with a map.
Moments after this interview
the good old man,
surrounded by his loving family,
closed his eyes
and succumbed to his wounds.