I don’t read Playboy in the shower for the articles

They say Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall
What they don’t tell you is he actually jumped
Because that wouldn’t be suitable for children
Rumpelstiltskin was a pedophiliac kidnapper
Cinderella was an adolescent slave girl who got picked up by an older man
And yet the Family Guy has trouble with the censors
I don’t read Playboy in the shower for the articles
But I do read National Geographic for the naked pygmy girls
Reading a Harlequin won’t improve your sex life
Neither will marriage
It’s a well-known fact that Henry VIII had six wives
But it’s not so well-known that he also had six testicles
Edward II never asked to sit on a searing poker
But there’s nothing funny about that
The King of Hearts doesn’t have a moustache
But he still shouldn’t be trusted with small children
They say Hercules raped an Amazon
I say that sounds terrible
Florence Nightingale never got the chance to fly
John Kennedy Jr. did
He just didn’t do it very well Some people say Robert Kennedy killed Marilyn Monroe
I say she was already dead
On the inside
John F. Kennedy never saw what hit him
Neither did Helen Keller
Then again you can’t really see a series of massive strokes
There was a time when beauty was said to be in the eye of the beholder
Now it’s covered with scratch-and-sniff perfume ads
On October 24, 1929, the market messed its pants
Last Saturday, I messed mine

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