Author Archive | Ernie Scott

Comic Resolutions

Archie – Marry Veronica for the money. Despite marriage, continue doing Betty behind the Riverdale High gymnasium until pregnant then drop affair and call up Cheryl Blossom. Batman – All in all, try not to be so damn dark. Also, double check size of Robin’s cod piece. Ensure mine is bigger. Blondie – After 70-years of marriage to […]

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The Chronology of a Dog’s Day

6:38 am – Roll out of doggy bed and yawn. Get a whiff of own breath and question why it smells of feces before finally remembering the ten minute anal cleaning from the night before. 6:45 am – Jump on master’s bed and lick master’s nostrils until he agrees it’s time to go outside and […]

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The Good Master

The old boy stood by my bedroom door He stretched out his back and yawned in my face He lifted his leg, I told him there’d be trouble But he called my bluff, and so I scrubbed the rug

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Happy New Year

I’ll always remember the New Year’s Eve I spent in my apartment, watching the ball drop on my TV; a plate of home baked cookies, my only companions for the evening. The day began like any other. I woke up, had my coffee – two sugars one cream – and read the morning paper. It […]

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Precise instructions for surviving a nuclear attack, as stapled to the back of a classroom door in a rural Wyoming high school circa 1955

In the event that the Soviet Aggressors of Europe and Asia should launch an attack on the United States of America the likelihood that a stray intercontinental ballistic missile will touch down on our school or its surrounding farmlands may be slim, but is nonetheless a prospect we should all fear and one for which […]

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