Hello and welcome to the podcast for Thistlefield, Illinois’s Book Chat. I’m Lescott Baines and . . . Gene, Gene, can I get a refill over here? Gene. Gene. You stupid . . . folks, the Book Chat podcast has temporarily moved to more serene surroundings. We’re coming to you from Gene’s Mud Shack on I-45. Tough times for the Book Chat, folks — personal issues. But the show . . . Gene! . . . The show will not be stopped. This morning we have a really special guest on the show. This is . . . What’s your name again? . . . Brian. Brian’s a great guy. Great guy. Just met him in the john. Say, Brian, can you get Gene? Gene!

B: Are you sure you’re okay?

LB: Fine, fine. Now Brian, why don’t you tell us what you do?

B: I teach medieval languages at Thistledown A&M.

LB: I always wanted to know — what does A&M stand for?

B: Agricultural and mechanical.

LB: Pfft. Does not.

B: I’m pretty sure it does.

LB: Whatever. (pause) You sure?

B: Pretty.

LB: Because I’m going to start telling people that. And I’m going to tell them you told me. Gene!

G: Yeah?

LB: Let’s make this one a . . . Brian, what’s four times in a drink?

B: Quadruple.

LB: Yeah, quadruple. Gene, a quadruple, please. I think I need a bigger glass. Now Brian, let’s get to today’s book. What have you got for us?

B: Seriously, don’t you think we ought to do this, um, later?

LB: Now’s good, Brian. Now’s good because I don’t have anywhere else to be. You got somewhere to be? Do you? Thank you, Gene.

B: Well, yeah, I . . .

LB: Great! Let’s see that book. Say it out loud, man.

B: It’s The Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius.

LB: His whole name.

B: Sorry?

LB: You have to say the writer’s whole name.

B: That’s his whole name: Boethius.

LB: What was he? Like, a superhero?

B: That was his nom de plume.

LB: English, Brian. No need to wave your diploma around in front of me.

B: Never mind.

LB: All right, before we get to part 2, can you sum up part 1?

B: Well, it was written in the sixth century. The author was a monk and philosopher who wrote it while he was in prison awaiting execution. A one-line description of its ideas might be how man should venerate the world of the mind, the world of God, above material things and fortune . . .

LB: Have you ever been in love, Brian? I’m sorry to interrupt, but I wasn’t really listening anyway. Gene, since you’re passing. Brian, so what about it? Love?

B: I’m married.

LB: I said love, Brian, not the shackles of convention. Is that right? Shackles? Let’s speak like educated men, Brian. Gene, can you put a cherry in that? Make it three cherries. Maybe I’d just like a bowl of cherries. Yeah? Well, you’ll see the result in your tip, you fu . . . Brian, what about passion? Is there passion in your life?

B: I get along very well with my wife. We’ve been together — and passionate — for . . . fourteen years, I suppose.

LB: Impossible. Liar. You’re lying to me, Brian. That’s impossible.

B: Maybe I should just go now . . .

LB: No, no, no, no, no. Tell me more about Brutus.

B: Boethius.

LB: Him too. Sure, why not. Gimme what you got. Book-wise.

B: It’s hard to talk about a book with someone who hasn’t read it.

LB: Brian. Brian. (pause) Sorry. What was I saying?

B: Well, I was saying that it’s hard to talk about . . .

LB: Right. Well, you should know that I have read this book. The Consultation of Photography means a lot to me. I keep it by my bed. Or the place where my bed used to be.

B: I really think I should leave.

LB: You can’t leave, Brian. Someone has to pay Gene. Now. You were talking about passion.

B: No. You were.

LB: Fine, be that way. Yes, but what does Beowulf have to tell us about passion?

B: That you should avoid fjords and angry mothers.

LB: Is that a joke?

B: I suppose so.

LB: Ha ha. We like fun here on Book Chat. Good one. Good one. Cheers. Aw. Sorry. Gene, we need a mop over here. Brian, are you all right?

B: Just a bit wet.

LB: I’ll say. Listen, do you think your wife would mind if I came over for a week or two?

B: Very, very much.

LB: Great.

B: Yes, she would mind, is what I meant.

LB: Oh.

B: Where are you sleeping?

LB: Oh, I’ll just break in. Again. My mom doesn’t mind anymore. She doesn’t even bother fixing the window.

B: You can keep the book.

LB: Seriously? Seriolously? That’s a hard word. Seriously? Thanks, Brian. That’s awesome. What is it?